We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
