The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
