there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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