I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
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i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
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We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If I die, sorry about rent.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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