the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
