Im at strip club and am horny
he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
