Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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