she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
