It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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