i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So much rum. So many feels.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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