I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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