the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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