I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
