K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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