9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
