Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
