last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
