She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He better not be in your backpack
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
