At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
