my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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