I looked at my own cervix.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
