I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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