Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
