he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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