Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
