Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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