i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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