I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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