I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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