either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
