Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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