he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
