so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
