I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
this just has baby written all over it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
