the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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