You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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