i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
