nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
