Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
50% drunk capacity currently
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
