Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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