think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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