I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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