The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
