she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
not ubering you a puppy
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
