I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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