some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
