Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
