Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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