Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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