Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
