my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
