NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So many bounce houses so little time
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
