Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
