Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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