Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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