bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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