i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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