I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
