There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
