He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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