I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I will pee on everything he values.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
