Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
