The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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